Just Breathe

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

So today I decided to do my taxes. Ambitious, I know. Well, I have to give credit to my mom who has been so helpful, but I realized there was information I didn't have that I really needed. So I actually couldn't do my taxes until I go that information. So much for being productive.


I got an email from the person who was supposed to call me (well, one of the people who was supposed to call me) and I am going to start working at the preschool this Friday. So Friday will be more of an observation day and then I will work Mondays and Thursdays for three weeks. Then full time for three weeks. Then Mondays and Thursdays for three weeks again. It is nice to feel employed. Also, I got a call from a school asking if I wanted to be a relief teacher or if I wanted to be a teacher. I said I wanted to be a teacher and they told me to look on the website, and they would put me down as a relief teacher. So I had to give her all the days I was available, since I will be working some of those days. I still have not heard back from the toy store and am thinking I never will. I emailed my CV and cover letter to several positions that are opening and I got one back saying they would not consider me. I tell you...if anything, I am getting calloused to these brazen statements.


Since I couldn't be productive, I decided to go to the Gardens and sit down. Well, first I went to the library to finish the book I was reading. I only had 25 or so pages, so I went to the second floor and sat a couple seats from this guy. This guy was breathing really hard, like he had been running. He continued breathing like this, and it started making me feel apprehensive and my breathing became irregular. It was stressing me out and I felt like I could smell his breath (although I think I was imagining it, just because I was already feeling nervous about his breathing).

So I quickly finished checked out a book by Malcolm Gladwell (Outliers). I was told he was a good author, but I couldn't find his books since they were always checked out. Anyway, I made my way to the Gardens. I found this huge tree and decided to sit and write all the events in my journal. I hadn't written in it for several days and I had a lot to write. So I was deep in thought writing in my journal and I hear something. I looked up and there was this man who was looking at me. I said hello and he said he had a magazine if I wanted it. He said he hadn't read it yet, because it was a new addition. At first I thought it was a religious thing, but then I thought it was a salesman or something. He knelt down close to me, because there really wasn't a seat for him, as I was sitting on a huge root from the tree.


He started talking to me about Adam and Eve and the fall and how it was their fault there is death. He said that if it wasn't for the sin, they would still be alive today. He went on about living forever on Earth as I was looking through the magazine trying to figure out what he was proclaiming. He said something about a website on the back and I saw it...Jehovah's Witness. Well...I realized what was going on then and decided to talk to him. He showed me a lot of verses and stories. I knew them all, but it was hard trying to put them in context when he was skipping around so much.

He kept talking about the Kingdom and that we will live on Earth forever. He was talking about something related to Heaven. I think he was trying to say that Heaven is not going to be like the Heaven everyone pictures, but it will be on Earth so we will never die. I told him that I cannot think of a more wonderful place that the beauty of his creation in the mountains or Botanical Gardens, or the like, but does it matter if we are in these places on Earth or in a place far beyond our comprehension if we are in His presence? We love these places and I cannot think of a more amazing place than these, but that is because it is something I have seen and understand. Just because Earth is what we know and understand, it doesn't mean that is all there is.

He kept talking about World War One being the monumental time and about 2,520 days being years and that was when World War One started, Jesus reigned. He said this was a calculation some place thought up and it marked this time or that time. He drew out a timeline for me and eventually asked if it made sense. I told him no and that it seemed like this mathematical equation looked more like a way people tried to explain certain things that happened. It was like...horrible things happened...now lets come up with some equation and use Bible references to make the equation work. It was like they chose these random verses and said, okay now lets try these numbers and make it work with these numbers and Voila! We have a system that works!

I could hear the irritation in my voice and I had to take a couple breaths to relax, because I wanted to do some sharing, too. It was also frustrating for me, because he would ask specific questions about verses that I did not have immediate answers to. I hate it when I have a chance to share something, but I cannot just have the answer to say. I know this is a growing opportunity and it is okay and even good not to have all the answers. This way it will help me learn more and grow. It is just hard for me to fail.

Anyway, the conversations continued. I started really getting fed up with his explanation of this timeline so I just said, "What is your purpose? Why are you telling me about this timeline and why is it so important. What are you trying to convince me of?" I don't feel like I got a real good answer, but he did say, "There have been wars and it has gotten significantly worse since World War One, which is when Satan ruled the Earth. People don't do anything about it, but something does need to be done about it." I asked what should be done about it. He also did not give a real clear answer, but I gave him one.

I said, "Our purpose is to have a relationship with God and let others know about His love. We are here on Earth to do His will and we have a choice of what to do with it." He said that having a relationship with God is ultimately what we want, but it is not the most important thing. I almost interrupted him when I told him, "Having a personal relationship with God is the most important thing there is. This relationship, understanding God's love, and sharing that love with others is why we are here. We are here to serve Him, love Him, and share the Good News to others."

He stopped with that and then started talking about sacrifice. He talked about sacrifices that were made, although we do not do that anymore with animals. I said, "Well, there is no need for these sacrifices, as Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice. He paid the price of our sins."

He mentioned something else about sacrifice, and I really liked what he said about it, but I changed it. He first asked what kind of sacrifice I could give up. I was kind of confused what he meant, because I wasn't sure where this was coming from. I could sacrifice everything. I wasn't sure what he meant. He then said that I sacrificed an hour and a half for God talking to him (him being the Jehovah's Witness), when I could be writing in my journal. I never thought of that. It is true I was sacrificing that time, because I would much prefer to finish my writing that doing this discussion. I don't love this kind of thing. But I told him, "Actually, I sacrificed for YOU, because I LOVE God, and because I have a RELATIONSHIP with him." I never thought to myself, "I will do this for God." I thought more about the fact that he is a person who needs God. I did it for him, because I love God and want him to know that kind of love.

Eventually he decided to move on. It made me sad that I couldn't make things more clear for him in some aspects, such as several of his questions. A lot of his statements were some kind of formula, but you can't do that in relationships, which is what Christianity is about. We are not a religion, but a relationship with God...with people...I wish I was able to speak clearly and give others a real understanding of who God is, but I know these situations are ways to help me with this. I prayed for him on my way back home where I met Alison and shared my day. I find it interesting that I meet these people in the Gardens. I am expecting to meet a Mormon next...

I found out that another one of our flatmates is leaving in a couple weeks and another flatmate is thinking of leaving soon. So that leaves Alison and I, and one other flatmate left. Kind of crazy. We will have a whole new flat. We really don't know what to think of this. Well, I think this has been a long enough entry. Thanks for your endurance.